How do I feel................My story !

How do i feel tonight ?...........
Aweful I must say


For everyone excel's in life
But I'm the only one left behind
The world is moving as fast as the brine
and I'm pretty slow nd low....
Damn I'm running out of time


My dreams & aspirations
soar high above the sky
But when i look at myself,
within the ground is where I lie


Some say I'm dumb, some say intelligent
But all I can say is ...... " I'm HUMAN "


It really feels sad,
to know where i really stand
Working hard to Rise
is the toughest testimony in hand


I know i wanna do it,
But something stops me bad
It pulls me into it,
drowns me in the evils i have!


The desire within me
tries to kill my soul
I wanna run away now
Coz i can take it no more


I need you by my side now
I need u all the time
I need you for my life to come
I need you to survive


How do i really feel tonight?
Aweful is still the answer
Nothing has changed in this dark plight
And the feeling is just worse this time !

~ Sanz

Immortal curse

It ends right here

Beneath the skies........

Im immortal now(sigh)

The blood thats within me

suddenly freezes

The changes begin.....

My eyes turn red

Tears of frozen life ooze out

(Its draining me....ahhh)

My arms turn pale

I seem to disappear

The curse has been cast.......

Unrest everywhere

Thunder and lightning

Thence the Anger of Lord befalls

Pours down as rain

The rain of destruction

The rain of Infliction......

Lust or love

I know not my fault

Placidly i accept it all

First him now me

Slowly nd slowly everythings gone

The last bit now.....

My memory

My past

My love

My thoughts nd feelings being washed away....

My soul gives out a cry

" Let them be.......leave them alone....!

They're the only priced possessions I have "

I see a grin

an evil one

I wonder why ?

I feel a shadow

appear before me

A smile upon his face

Saying unto me,

" Let them go ... "

I now contrive him !

They're slowly erased......

One by One

Im lost !!

Lost in space 
forever i will be.......
something that was never
meant to be!!!

~ Sanz

A Bottle of cold water.......

I stand in the sun......

Im thirsty.

I crave for water....

The life giving Love.....

A bottle of cold water

entrances me.....

The water being my

lifeless cold tears.

As the droplets

trickle down slowly

So do my tears

and the pain...

COLD !!!

Cold as the ice

my heart thats frozen

and the love dead within...

All i need

is a bottle of cold water

my absolute life lies inside it!

Trapped as it is....

never trying to redeem

I see the elixir

coming to me......

My thirst for life

slowly dies down..

as i swallow the cold water

my craving stops!

All that is left now is

the empty bottle

and All that has vanished is

just the cold water !!!!

~ Sanz

Lonliness........

The depth of gloom

eats me inside

Devours me slowly

tasting each bit of mine

Enjoying the essence

as i break down into pieces

It eats my soul(sigh)

Now there's pain in my eyes

I am the cause of my...

my own destruction

My sweet little fate

My bitter neat truth

I pass into nothingness

bit by bit, piece by piece

And all thats left now

is ashes...

Ashes of my burnt heart

which cried in flames

with tears of crimson blood

and the reason is ME!

coz I have led myself into this

and no one but me

can give me eternal bliss...

Bring me back to life i scream...

but Im captive in my own bonds (sigh)

I need love to free me

free me from the shackles

Shackles of what i call Lonliness.......

~ Sanz

Its over.......... A final Note.....!!

:X DEAD........... till the end of it...... X:

It makes me sick
It makes me cry
sumtyms....... i even wanna die

But That's hw its suppose to be
Its my choice nd i face it
Life is queer
i guess mysterious

U choose u fight
u lose nd finally run away
Among the very few they lie
who choose not to die

They win in the struggle
with flying colours
they keep hope .... nd inspire

Inspire the others who
have lost it all the way
wid a ray of hope
they shout out the true meanin ov life....

Honestly sayin..... to be one of em is not difficult
I knw hw it is..... I knw hw it is

Im tired of this everyday crap
I need a break
But it makes me come again
I hate it...... its eating me inside!
I guess i need to say a final goodbye

Coz if its not now........
It will never be
Its my destiny.....
Nd i choose to be free
Im not runnin away I say
Its a fight....... nd im gonna win it yet AGAIN!!!

For whence it had commenced
I stuggled nd survived
Now when its WAR II
I sheild myself.......
nd am on the battleground to defeat it Again!

Yes to all of u who say i can't
I don't need to proove a thing
Its me nd im gonna be forever
It may be my pride
my arrogance......
HELL YEAH!! i knw im gonna be forever

I knw im wasting my time at this
But i'll be fresh to start over
Start over sumthing i'd left halfway
its MY LIFE ...... nd i get to choose

Its never too late.....
Its a mixture of thoughts
Hatred for one...... nd hatred of all

The past is gone
The future yet to come!
Whr do u stand?
its In the present .... Dont run!

So here i am.......... Sayin a final goodbye
To it that i hate the most.......
Nd to him whoever made me hate it the most......

Ive decided its best for me
To be peaceful till ETERNITY !!
All u can love is urself nd all u can care for
is yet urself......
so bye nd fi to the fictious virtual world
Im going Back to reality.....
A place i TRULY deserve!!

~ Sanz ~

Little Things !

" Move on man!! "

thats what everyone tells me...........but how can i move on......

how can i move on when i dont really want to!!

When having you was such a pleasure........thinking about you my relief

i await every single moment to see you

to speak to you.........

and there you are.....

your over me

how easy it was for you to forget me

But im a girl and most of all myself

its not so simple for me to deny it

its not that simple for me

2 years back when you told me how special i was to you

It was you that i always wanted.......

i loved you from the deepest inside .......

i loved you through all those fights

and today when i look back at us

tears fill my eyes

i want you beside me

i want to hold your hand

i crave for your look

oh i want you soo bad

despite all the conversations we had

despite you telling me you'll never come back

its hard to believe its over so soon

i dont want to admit the fact!!!

When love is captured by darkness

misunderstandings fill your life

the one you truly love

even he leaves ur side

its then when you realise how lonely you are

its then when you realise ........

I love you but im not in love with you

these lines pinched me so bad

it was when i understood what you meant

its now that i can realise

i feel the same all through

that im not in love with you

but the diffrence between you and me is

you moved on but i want to fall back in love with you

or probably i miss the time we were together

and i still havent found someone better

but one day when i find my true love

i'll realy miss us being together!

im clueless, im lost

sometimes i even wonder

why do i always think of you

why do i want us to be together

why do i want you???

why did u have to be so nice to me

love me like a crazy lover 

promise those wonderful things to me

that have decayed and rotted and are finally over

I guess its better off this way

We were never really meant for each other

Thanks for all the time we shared

Somehow you made me stronger

strong enough to face this god-damn world!!

strong enough to bear the bitterness

most of all you made me fall

and i guess i'll learn to rise again

I know all of us change with time

and ewwwwwww i soo hate this fact

but trying to love life the way it is

You always make me cry

be it for the good or the bad

Now i really want to end the drama

When i think i want to fall in luv with you again

I know i dont really want to

All i want is to be free

free from all the atrocities

To rise out of the dreary world of pain

To be loved and love those who really care

I know i'll miss you my beautiful past

Its just that the pain is new

When it learns to settle down inside my heart

I'll be fine then

I'll just be fine without YOU!!

~ Sanz

Fading Love !!

He came into my life

like an eternal bliss

He woke up my sleep

with a tender kiss

He closed my shining eyes

and whispered to me

" I'll love you my sweetheart

unconditionally!!"

He made me a promise

of feelings to share

of heart and soul

and humble care

Romatic songs 

that he sung to me

Portrayed their meaning

more clearly

But now he's gone

so far away

leaving the memories

that will never decay

All that has happened 

has made us sad

My condition without him

is very bad

His looks and love 

these fights have changed

the bond between us 

is not the same

Lovers are enemies

Words are spears

Life is hollow 

and truly mere

Those vows those thoughts

those moments .......forlorn

Its painful to know

I'm all alone!!

~Sanz

2 Faces

 Is it real??

I dont think so
the world's two faced
nd fake...yes i know

Friends and foes
no one u can trust
even ur loved ones
they too make u hurt

the pain is so bad
as if sum1 ripped ur heart
foes dont matter much
but its ur friends who mean a lot

Friendship has become
something so abstract
it's a bottomless chasm
nd the feelings-- a mere fact!!!!

is that was friends have become?????
its a pity on mankind
wen i luk upto my elders
i can see what they dont find!

TRUST ----- the controvertial truth.....
which can never build up..........
selfishness takes over
nd the loves dies deep under

Down inside the heart
u subconsciously knw
u really wanna trust the person
but sumthings dont let go

nd these lil sumthings that stop u
eat u in nd out
u dunno wad to do
yes.........YOU ARE THE BIGGEST DOUBT!!!

the doubt whether to trust the person
its just human nature
blindness leads u to the edge
nd assumption into the locked room

maybe the edge is a better option
atleast its unknown death
but the locked room is a bigger danger
coz then u invite ur end!!!

Humans r the biggest hypocrites
nd wen i say this......i even mean myself
coz even im in a state of dilemma
should it be the room or the unknown edgE?????

i lost sumone coz of assumptions
i dun wanna repeat it again
but the lil sumthings r too BIG
i neither want to be at the edge!!!

I wish people cud be simple
nd not so difficult as they are
although a part of me knows the fact,
" People are not difficult......theyre just different.....theyre JUST DIFFERENT!!!!"

So here i come bak to the 2 faces......
the 2 faces of this so called world

"Wad u see is not what its like
nd wad its like ...... u do not see"

Im tired of these hide nd seek games
Tired of its 2 faces
Coz this fake world is tryina change me
It has given me MY OTHER FACE.....

I wish i cud just be myself
Just be wad i want to be
I wish people were sweet as they seem like
I wish they cud all be clean!!!

I wish we cud all live together
In a world of Happiness nd trust
I wish all the lies in the world wud die out
I wish We we cud smile nd not curse!!!!!!!!!

I wish the world soon lost its 2 faces
I wish it cud be more wise.....
The face of the world would then be ME
nd the Truth Wud all be MINE !!!!

~ Sanz

The Ultimate Truth of Life : TRANSITION

TRANSITION

I opened my eyes
to see the beauty
of nature - God's creation
nd the world doing its duty

My heart thumped hard
and i began to breathe
When i entered this world
which was so just like a dream

I saw and heard
perceived all things
The lovely trees
and birds with beautiful wings

The mighty mountains
and the cold air
This world of which
I still wasn't aware

As a child i enjoyed
every experience
protected by love
away from any grievance

Now i've grown up
and am a little mature
I can see the bitterness
of life to endure

This world is no longer
as beautiful as it was!
Man has DESTROYED it
with no worthy cause

Life seems difficult
with hardships ahead
"Keep heart and courage"
my elders have said

This world which was
so dear to me
is captured by evils
and is willing to be free

Life is a ladder
climb step by step
Do your deeds
and move ahead

I've learnt a lesson
to reach to the top
that i have to work
for evils to stop

with hard work nd efforts
this world can be freed
love being my companion
i will surely SUCCEED!!!!

~Sanz

A Birthday Wish !

Out of the billion people living in the world
You knw just half a million
Nd out of those half million people
Not even 1/4th know u

Its strange but its true..........

In this short lifetime that ive lived till now
Ive met a thousands of people
Im not sure if i remember each nd every face
But yes there are a few 
that Im gonna treasure all my life

To one of the most important young man in my life
On the occasion of ur 18th birthday ....... i dedicate this little piece of mine to u......
This ones for u Bhai..... with a my heart i say.........
This ones for u!!

The first day of school wen i walked into my class
A little boy stood amongst people aghast
All of them stared at me as if i was an alien
On seeing my golden coloured hair
They said i was brazilian

The little boy was the first one to come nd speak to me
He told me i was welcome nd that i was pretty
I smiled nd we became frnds
The best that we could be
With shruti aastha smriti
nd not to forget manpreet

Smile my dear ankit......
I know this isn't true
A bit of it may seem like :)
I knw u wished it thru

So to add on to my story
nd to modify it a bit
It was class 8 i remember
nd we were'nt those lil kids

well yes my hair was coloured (haha)
nd im pretty sure i was termed a foreigner
but the truth is they were so nice
I made good frnds within a blink of the eyes

from shruti and aastha.......to ankit nd manpreet
all of them treated me, like a princess or queen
All their love had soon become mine
On rakshabandhan it was.......wen ANKIT became my BHAI :D

From den we started this 
relationship so pure
of love nd trust nd kindness
nd of a frienship i adore

We laughed n giggled 
in almost every class
wen the K square eq was written on the board
nd all of us troubled kushagra

wen Ankit nd shrayash played loads of tricks
nd aura aura was our national anthem
wen manpreet nd i fought like crazy cats
And Harshit always Rambled

The cuteness still within us
Advancing to class 9
The seriousness half hearted....
Studying for a lil time

We had fun in nd out 
wid all the pranks continuing
Instead of ankit nd shrayash
harsh nd krishna being On the BLING

cutting of ripa mam's hair
nd playing of the radio
the vulgar(:P) truth nd dare sessions
nd Dumbsharads being a scenario

Ankit was our beloved BHAI
who sang songs in bhojpuri
wid kussu bhaiya on the bongo
nd all ov us screaming for free

all thru the 9th session
we enjoyed the best we cud
being seperated due to distinction
Class 10 became our doom

But My superhero Bhai
as always came to our rescue
By planning the bday cum reunion
Kept all ov us binded thru

The crazy things we did
nd our wierd faltu dance
wid cutting ov the yummy cake
nd chola bhatura by aunty's hands

In 10th i was so frndless
all unknowns in the class
Bhai was the one who took care of me
nd came to meet me almost every hour

Gradually i met DJ
A frnd he truly is
Wid both of them together
I was never on a miss

Bhai knew my littlest secrets
nd Guided me thru my problems
In sadness nd in hapiness 
stood by me till the end

10th was a memorable journey
We discovered our true frnds
The ones, people really long for
We're lucky we found them

It was after boards i was leaving
He got the shock of his life
Having never imagined living widout me
Silently he said Good-bye

All though he saw-me-off cheerfully
I knew all he was goin thru
wid tears shedding from his heart
I knew id miss him too

Starting a new life here
We hardly spoke anymore
One day i dailed his number
I din't even need to say hello

At once he recognised me
nd was happy as he cud be
Accepting the fact that i wasnt thr
He made new frnds indeed

We talked a lot that day
it was the greatest pleasure
Coz i was the one who missed him bad
My Bhai he was in true measures

Its been a year now im here
we still talk almost every day
The relationship more stronger
We'll be forever this way

Nd now he has turned EIGHTEEN !!!!
i feel aweful i couldnt be...
Couldnt be thr to wish him
Nd BDay slap Him hehe

Dear ankit i wanna tell u
Something ive been longing to
Ur the bestest brother one can ever have
Im always gonna be thr wid u

Nd on the day of ur wedding
Im gonna trouble ur to-be-wife( :P )
I'll tell her about all ur mischeifs
nd dat ur a very sweet guy!

Bhai,
Ur the one person
i truly treasure having met
I pray to God for ur well being
And wish u all the Success!!!

May God Grant all ur wishes nd fulfill all ur dreams
May one day come in the future , wen ur so Big a man
That i can proudly say " ANKIT is MY Brother !!"

♥ Shruti , Me , Bhai , nd Harshit :) ♥

wid luv
~ Sanz

I promise to U .......... I'll be......

" 3 years back I remember the day I saw her......

I had never imagined then, that we'd reach so far........

Just like the others.....

She stood in the crowd.....
So simple....
Yet so pure.....

Slowly nd slowly we became wad people in this world call FRIENDS,
Knowing not wad this relationship means......we still shared it....
It Not just Friendship.....its somethig more....
Something unique....something special.....

I hadn't imagined id meet someone like her
who'd mean so much to me.....

A guide.....a mother.....
An angel in disguise......
She's more than this to me....
A friend.....a shoulder to cry on
She's the one who cares for me....
She understands me so well
nd knows me even more than i know myself......

A keeper wen i need to share
the deepest nd darkest secrects of mine
A confider in which i confess
the blunders i commit in life......
A consoler who calms me
wen im disturbed
A teacher who guides me
wen im perturbed

The only person in this whole wide world......
Whom i can call MY TRUE FRIEND
Yes she is the one
The Ultimate frnd!!

Now that ive come so far away......
I reely miss her a lot...
Wen i think of the old times.....
I see her standing right before me...
saying "Hey Sanz......cheer up yaar.....Im here!!"

I remember the time...
we danced together...
i remember her smile.....
nd the sparkle in her eyes......
I remember her voice that's still in my head.....
I remember the last letter she gave me ....it said "Farewell" !!

She called me her IDEAL.....
I dunno if i even desrved it....
She told me she'd never find a Friend.....
Who'd be sumone so special like me......
She called me her only best frnd in this whole world...
Nd i promise to her.....I'll Be.......

Forever nd for always
Till the day we die.....
I'll always be by ur side....

Id be thr whenever u need me......
Id be thr even if u dont.....
I'll always be faithful to u....
u can count on me......

I promise to u.....I'll be..........

I hope u miss me too.......just the way i do......
I hope u still think of me....
Nd wish id come back to u.......
I hope u pray for me.....
Nd wish i was thr.......
I hope u still consider me a frnd in despair......

I promise to u.......I'll be..
I'll Be the one....
u can count on me!! "

With luv

~Sanskriti~